Is Your Mind Your Best Friend?
As I was rushing home from work to meet a friend, a thought — one of the thousands we experience each day — passed through my mind:
“I wish I could take a sabbatical.”
It wasn’t a new thought. But this time, I paused and asked myself:
“What exactly do I want a sabbatical from?”
The answer came clearly back:
“I want a break from my mind.”
I broke into a giggle. In that moment, there was a wave of insight - an understanding of what I already knew deep within.
Snakes and Ladders of the Mind
The Bhagavad Gita, a spiritual text that has become a compass in my life, offers this wisdom:
“Your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy.”
Some days, my mind is my ally — insightful, calm, empowering.
Other days, it pulls me into self-doubt, worry, or over-analysis.
I call it the snakes and ladders of the mind — sometimes I ascend effortlessly, and sometimes I slide down without warning.
As a lifelong learner, coach, spiritual seeker, and avid reader, I have seen this message echoed in many forms.
It is this idea that our thoughts create our world.
Despite knowing this Truth, I still find myself navigating this inner game — just like everyone else.
Perhaps you too want a sabbatical from your mind?
Mental Focus as Joy
This month, during Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ve been paying closer attention to my mental wellbeing — and the wellbeing of those around me. One thing I’ve come to deeply appreciate is my mind’s ability to concentrate.
And yet, that very ability is now under threat.
I have been feeling like I can’t complete a simple task - going from A to B without interruption; or completing a book in one-go from beginning to end, without losing interest or starting another one.
Are there times when you feel this way too? Are you taking longer to complete a task because of distractions? Are you unable to focus on things that are important to you?
Some of my clients express the same: difficulty focusing, scattered attention, a low-level anxiety running in the background. It’s subtle but persistent.
I started asking myself:
What does joy look like for me — especially in relation to mental focus?
Here’s what I came up with:
A clear beginning and end to each task
Complete focus, full commitment to the task at hand
Spaciousness between tasks — no back-to-back engagements
Practices that bring me to the present moment: the breath, the mantra, the body, movement
While I considered myself very disciplined with technology (I am not on any social media platforms other than LinkedIn occasionally to post this blog), the truth is that my concentration has been impacted by my digital habits. That feeling of “I’ll never be done” and that “I’m always on” has returned (reminding me of my 2004 experience with burnout). I have found that my technology habits are partly the source of this feeling. There’s always one more email or text to reply to and one more email or text to delete.
A Journey Down Memory Lane
Let me take you back to a simpler time: pre-1995, before the internet was widely available. Fewer than 0.05% of the world had internet access. Most of us didn’t.
I remember feeling free.
I also remember the time before I got a smart phone. I would wake up, get ready, leave the house, walk or commute to work. There were no decisions to make about emails or texts. I focused on work, enjoyed tea breaks with colleagues, then had one meaningful activity post-work — a workout or dinner — and returned home.
Plans rarely changed last minute. You couldn’t constantly text to re-coordinate. And that structure gave me peace. I was content.
I remember when I finally got my first iPhone — in 2013, six years after the first one came out. I asked the Verizon employee,
“Is there a cost every time I check it?”
He replied:
“No, check it as many times a day as you want.”
That’s when it hit me — “no boundaries, unless I create them myself”. And can we always summon the willpower to do that?
The Unintended Consequences of Innovation
At the 2017 Mindfulness in America conference, I was inspired by Tony Fadell, inventor of the iPod and co-creator of the iPhone. He spoke candidly about the unintended consequences of the technology he helped bring into the world.
In his household, they practice “Tech-Free Sundays.” For two months, he didn’t check his email — a digital detox — to reset his attention. He stressed the importance of “single-purpose devices” like the Kindle — tools that allow us to focus on one thing at a time without interruption.
He also said something that stuck with me:
“At some point, technology companies need to care more about their users’ health than engagement metrics.”
That’s what inspired me to reconsider my own relationship with technology.
The Cost of Constant Connection
For me, part of my digital etiquette stems from the value I place on relationships. I care and like to reach out to and be responsive to people. My emails and messages tend to be complete and thoughtful, and I want to be timely.
And part of my digital etiquette is simply unconscious behavior, filling my time with checking messages when I am procrastinating and not doing any focused work or activity.
I was intrigued to find out that these two points are interconnected.
According to Cal Newport (via Matthew Lieberman’s neuroscience research), when our minds aren’t focused, the brain’s default mode network kicks in. This network focuses on social cognition — thinking about others and ourselves.
That explains why we are so tempted to check messages: we are wired for connection. But as Sherry Turkle notes, real conversations — not one-way communications — bring deeper connection and meaning.
The cost to one’s focus and productivity is high. Every time we switch tasks (like checking an email or text), it takes 20–25 minutes to regain full focus.
Bringing in Conscious Choice
In most situations there is a 3-step process that I apply that I learnt through my iPEC Coach Training Program.
Awareness – noting with self-awareness your current thoughts, feelings, and actions
Acceptance – non-judgmentally accepting yourself and your current state
Conscious Choice – determining what thoughts and feelings, you would rather have, and actions you would rather take, and making that happen
I am reminded of a quote by Viktor Frankl – “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
I am in the process of re-claiming Conscious Choice. I had created my own rules for technology management — not as rigid constraints, but as guidelines that support my mental wellbeing and joy. These “rules” helped me befriend my mind. I am bringing these rules back.
Here’s what they look like:
🚶🏾➡️ Rule #1: Morning Technology Fast
No phone, emails, or texts until I’m fully ready for the day. For the past 40 days, I’ve followed this and it’s been liberating.
I have reclaimed my original routine of:
Meditation and breathing
Movement and yoga
Space to “be”, not “do”
This one change has given me spaciousness, calm, and a deeper connection to myself.
⏰ Rule #2: Scheduled Times to Check Messages
This is harder — but I’m working on it. I aim to check email and texts:
Mid-morning (after grounding into work)
Lunchtime
Early evening (but not after 9 p.m.)
Outside of these times, I avoid “casual checking.” Instead, I pause, breathe, or meditate. I remind myself that I don’t have to be available to everyone all the time.
If you are trying to do this, make sure the “new activity” that is in replacement of the unwanted technology engagement, is something you value.
🎯 Rule #3: 2-Hour Focus Blocks
When I sit down to work, I turn off all distractions — phone, email, everything — for two-hour blocks.
This has become my favorite habit. It allows for real creation, progress, and presence.
It also shields me from what Linda Stone called “continuous partial attention” — a fragmented way of living that robs us of depth.
What These Rules Have Done for Me
By living these guidelines, I am noticing that while nothing externally has changed, I am more at peace internally.
I am benefiting by:
Having more energy and less fatigue
Experiencing more joy and less irritation
Making progress on life and work projects that are important for me
Experiencing meaningful in-person conversation with my network
Learning to leverage technology in ways that work for me
It has also helped me walk the talk as an Integration coach and set myself up to thrive through the 8 Pillars of Wellbeing.
I don’t follow these rules rigidly — integration as we know, requires flexibility. But having them as a north star helps me thrive.
Now Your Turn to Reflect and Reclaim
While your relationship with technology and these practices may be different given your unique values and situation, I invite you to consider:
How does your relationship with technology affect your mental health?
What guidelines could help you focus on what truly matters — in your life and in work?
We can’t always control the world around us, but we can learn to guide our inner thoughts with intention - one conscious choice at a time.
And perhaps, by doing so, we can make our minds our best friends again.
I would love to hear your insights on the themes that resonate with you or any other feedback. Feel free to send an email to lalita@invitingintegration.com if you would like to share with me.